A year ago today...

For the past two weeks I have been thinking to myself..."what was I doing a year ago today?" The answer has been, over and over, "still waiting."
The days after my due date (May 28th) kept going on an on and on and I remember wondering if this baby was ever going to decide to be born (though my midwife frankly stated he couldn't stay in there forever). It was a little depressing - wondering if something was wrong with me or him - and not really knowing when it would actually happen. But a year ago today, I was 12 days over due and finally decided to get things going by drinking a caster oil cocktail at 11:30 in the morning.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I went into labor. I couldn't fathom what contractions would feel like, what "sleepless nights" would be, or how being a mom would change me completely. I just knew that walking around at 175 lbs really made my feet and back hurt, I was tired of peeing all night long, and I couldn't wait to meet nameless-baby.
By this point, I had organized everything possible in the house. Michael and I had purged basement excess and taken a full car-load of stuff to Goodwill. I had even categorized all of my CD collection. My days were marked by my daily dose of Zantac to keep my heartburn at bay and non-stop Project Runway marathons. The garden had been tilled and planted, all the birthing supplies had been purchased, and groceries (namely my obsession with Sprite and baby carrots) were stocked. By all logistical counts I was ready for the baby, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I had dutifully taken the Birthing and Breastfeeding classes, read all types of birth and labor books from "Transitioning to Parenthood" to "Birthing from Within" to "What to Expect, when your Expecting," watched labor films, talked to other mothers, read the blogs, and honed in on my positive birthing affirmation ("my body knows how to give birth and I will let it"). I knew the holistic approach to labor and traditional, had thought about a birthing plan, but never written it down, and thought I was "ready."
None of my research even scratched the surface of reality - how could it? How can someone write or explain exactly what labor feels like since it is a different experience for every woman? How could a book describe 24 hours of labor, an anterior lip, an occiput posterior baby, and a head circumference of 14"?
A year ago today was the last time Michael and I slept alone in our bed. A year ago today I could get out of the house in 5 minutes (that's with the 42-week waddle!) A year ago today the only thing that fit was a red tank top and XL shorts. A year ago today it was all about me...I was not yet a mother and my life was about to change...for the better.